How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
