If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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