I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sex in a hospital.. check
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
