i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
