Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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