If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
