she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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