Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
