you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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