I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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