i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
