And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
