my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
