I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
