i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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