There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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