I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
