I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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