I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
