I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
