I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
