we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
