it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
