i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
