Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
