R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
