I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
