youre lurking in front of me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
