You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
