the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
