I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
