the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
