we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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