She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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