im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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