I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize