pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
