What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
