New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
