I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
