who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize