I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
