To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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