3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
