New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
