i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
