Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need water and some morals
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
