Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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