Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You ruined the universe
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
