I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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