Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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