It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
