the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
