I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
