sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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