life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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