I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
