wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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