Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
