i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I will pee on everything he values.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
