Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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