I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
