Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this just has baby written all over it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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