Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating