My cat gives me a boner
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another