You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Still dying that you shit outside
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.