not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.