You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.