I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?