your parents love me but you hate me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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