Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
