do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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