what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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