maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
