Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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