yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
