lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
