I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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