my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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