i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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