I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
