I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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