Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to calm my uterus...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
